i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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