I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
