Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
