dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your cock deserves a montage
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
