I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
