happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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