Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
