I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
