Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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