So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
