Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
