In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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