I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
