so that wasnt chicken after all
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
