I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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