think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
