No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
