Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
