I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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