you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
