sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
