Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
