so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
