well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is the high leading the old right now
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
