Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need to calm my uterus...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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