I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
