I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
