This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
