Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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