I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
