Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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