i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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