the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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