Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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