Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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