don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
