Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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