You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
