Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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