It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
