omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
