The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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