some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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