oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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