I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
