lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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