I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
