one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
