i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
