Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
