I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
