I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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