If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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