I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
