Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
