M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
