Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Congratulations! We have a period
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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