Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
