I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
