I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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