Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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