Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize