take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize