you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
