and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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