Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
