i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
