I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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