my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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