Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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