Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
