I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
