Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
