well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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