The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
should my penis look like a turkey
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
