The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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