Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
